The docs (who have admitted I'm so far off the path they have no idea what I can and cannot do) all agree that my mobility should improve about six months before the pain decreases. This was really sad news for me because the pain being the last thing to improve doesn't feel like fair play. But, this is what I'm working with so mobility it is.
Here's me:
Running In This Place:
That sometimes looks like this:
About six months after having my spinal cord severed and my back held open with big claw clamps. Did I mention it's really, really hard?
Which brings me to yesterday. We were starting Week 3 Day 1 and I had had a terrible morning both with my technology, my back and the boys. Stress makes my muscle spasms worse and I was freaking out. Chris got me out the door for my run and my Nike Sensor didn't work, my C25K app quit stopping, about five houses from home my back was so in spasm I could barely walk and my iPod kept shutting off every song. It was like the Bermuda triangle. By the time I got to the trailhead (about five minutes from our porch) I was sobbing so I sat in the dirt and cried for about a half an hour.
There was a rustle in the bushes behind me and I thought Chocolate was coming to check on me. What peeked out of the bushes wasn't my 85 lb lab-rottie mix... but it sure was the same size so I ran like hell. As soon as I got to a clearing on the fire road I felt safe enough to stop and the pain had me in tears again. I stood still trying to collect myself. Off in the bushes to my right a rattling sound started. Now I've heard about all the snakes here but haven't seen them so this scared the hell out me... again.
I took off walking calling my dog as loud as I could hoping he'd leave Chris and Brayden and come protect me. I met them about 2/3 of the way out our course so by the time I'd walked home with them I'd walked 3/4 of our run. I was spent and it was HOT. Ended up being 100 degrees.
Back at home I was so sad and hurting. But worse, I worried that my running days were over. It was just a happy blip in this long and dreadful recovery. So I pulled my last bit of reserve together, laced up my shoes and did whatever is the less sexist word for manned-up.
I grabbed my dog and he and I went for a run. About half way through our course I hit a rock and smashed myself to the ground. Aside from cracking the iPhone, my body did okay. I'm a girl who couldn't be jostled a few months ago, this is wild improvement. When I made it home I did 20 push-ups and 20 sit ups. Every part of me hurt (and hurts). But I feel like I won a small victory against my health yesterday.
It's so hard to explain to people, and to myself, that when Everything hurts, I'm more or less free to do Anything because it makes no difference. Trust me, I've tried. I feel equally bad if I lie in bed or go and play paintball. Might as well play.
Here's a LO I made after our muddy run, hope you like it. It's very pink. I was following a recipe challenge so I had to do some odd maneuvering to meet all the requirement.
12 comments:
Omg hunny...All I can say is good for you for making it home!
I have back issues..and well..full body issues, so I kind of know what it's like to be in pain all the time.. and walking hurts more than anything for me...
good luck on your runs and don't over do it!
Hugs out to you my internet friend. I hope your healing continues and kudos to you for kicking ass in the mud.
I am left jaw dropped, amazed that you're exercising as much as you are having had back surgery. Good for you to have such strength and determination!
When I made it home I did 20 push-ups and 20 sit ups.
I keep thinking I have a grip on how awesome you are, and then you keep dropping in a line like that! Take good care of yourself... and I LOVE the shoe. :)
You are such an inspiration! Thank you so much for sharing this. I hope that you continue healing and that you are as good as new soon.
Well, hell. 'Might as well play' sure sums it up. Proud of you for heading back out to show your health who's boss... wishing I was closer to offer real hugs & a cuppa!
As ever you leave me speechless at what you have managed to achieve. You will have to be my inspiration again this week as I go into a week of testing following another bad turn with my breathing last week. If you can do this, then I can damn well manage to get through all the tests!!!!
Jeez...I feel like such a wimp now...what the hell is keeping me from getting healthy if you can be so amazing all the time!?!?!?! You ROCK as an inspiration girl! You just ROCK!
You are AMAZING!
Nicole you are my hero!! Seriously! Forget my bootcamp... what you are doing is TRUELY amazing!! You have such strength and determination, and your spirit though the whole think is just mind boggling. I know I have said this before, but you TOTALLY rock!! You are my inspiration!!! xoxo
Pretty interesting site you've got here. Thanks for it. I like such themes and anything that is connected to them. I definitely want to read more on that blog soon.
Kate Simpson
I had to read this post twice to make sure I read it right. Seriously. I'm still shaking my head at a loss what to type in response. Just... you rock! Really. You do - you are one of my hero's. I know I've said it before but tough I said it again. Like a couple of people have said - you are an inspiration and you make me feel like a wimp when my back plays up and I don't do exercise because of it. Keep it up but don't over do it missus.
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