It's been a great and terrible time for me. I've seen victories no one imagined possible and suffered pain and setbacks I didn't think I'd make it through.
Now, six months later, I barely recognize the woman I've become.
I was 30 when this began. Barely a grown up, with young kids and big dreams. Now I'm a tired 37 with teenagers and a family who worries about each step I take. It's a hard pill to swallow. While I did my best to fill the hard years with good memories, I mourn a little for what we didn't do, the fun we didn't have.
Today, according to my ex-doctors, I can start getting out of bed and trying to resume basic activities.
... like the rope course?
LOL. They meant showering and cooking dinner. I've been doing that since Day 10 after surgery.
For a bit there I was hiking and keeping up with everyone pretty well. Then I got this nasty cold that settled into my lungs and the coughing feels like getting injured again all over. There have been some dark days the past two weeks but I have no reason to assume they're here to stay - it's just a blip.
The weirdest part of going into something at one stage of life and popping out of it in another is I'm not sure who I am anymore. This isn't a moan-y mid-life crisis sort of sentiment - in fact, I'm positively jubilant about getting to know this older, weathered, wiser woman - it's just odd.
So many of the things I made myself good at (like crafts and blogging) were based on my inability to do much else. Now that I have options, I don't want to keep my focus so narrow.
Things I know:
* I'm creative. Art is essential to my me-ness.
* Homeschooling teenagers takes a lot more time than homeschooling eight year olds.
* We moved to a gorgeous area and we haven't explored all it's peaks and canyons.
So Nicole 2.0 will minimally be busy with those things and I'll be posting about them here.
The things I don't know list? Well, it would go on for pages.
I hadn't really planned on writing such an introspective post, my intentions were more on the Hooray, half-way there side. But my mood has been quieter, less *SQUEAL*, a little more thoughtful.
Thanks everyone for all the support over the last few years. You all have been essential to my success in getting better. And I still really need you as I have six months of healing left to do.